Dragon Age: Whore-igins
I love two things: role-playing games, fantasy settings, and games that don’t suck.
Imagine my tears of joy when Dragon Age: Origins was announced. And imagine my tears of pus when it came out and was the video game equivalent of the Twilight movies.
This leaning tower of mediocrity seduced me with its glorious promises and mainstream A+ reviews, then as soon as I closed my bedroom door it ripped off its pretty mask, stepped out of its skin, and pulled my large intestine out through my urethra. Maybe it was the high expectations that did it to me, but I actually feel psychologically damaged after playing this game.
This is a big ol’ DO NOT BUY, folks. Don’t be fooled by the shiny screenshots and hollow promises: they’re just what you’d expect from a game that’s shared a bed with so many mainstream gaming news sites. I don’t care if this thing gets 90s across the board. Who are you going to trust, the professionals who get paid to review these things, or the pure-hearted amateur?
The one and only,
–MasterCaster
I suprised that anyone actually bought this game, you can see from the screenshots that almost no effort was put into this game. Its like Bio Ware didn’t even care.
Posted on January 6th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
I can’t belive BioWare would have even passed it through concept. I am disapoint in them deep.
Posted on January 7th, 2010 at 10:07 am
I just cant believe people would pay sixty bucks for this piece of crap, I am surrprised the dick didnt just turn to dookie in the drive, leaving your hardware puking up S#$t for three days. BAD FORM bIOWARE!!!1!!!!
Posted on January 7th, 2010 at 10:45 am
The dialogue presented in this tripe carved a hole in my very pattern of thought. The terrible characterisation wrought me to be so laboured, that half way through I was forced to seek out assistance from my en-suite bathroom, and medical aid from the doctor present at all times in said en-suite. I shall being seeing this “Bioware” very soon to demand they either reimburse me or make my copy of Barbie Horse Adventures: Wild Horse Rescue work using that tooth paste trick.
Posted on January 8th, 2010 at 10:01 am
At first glance I nearly screamed of joy. This game look epic! I played the first part. A little stupid, but intros aren’t always the best. I continue. I ripped my ears right off my head from the ungodly amount of stupid, cliched dialogue with aggravating voice actors. Next I ripped my eyes out. I couldn’t stand the unrealistic amounts of blood, that stained your character, and I couldn’t continue to look at the TV screen for the years it would take me to beat this game. Then I ripped my brain out, for fun. Overall this game sucked. It truly is a whore, not only because of it’s shit-ness, but because of the fact that every character in it is a whore.
Posted on January 24th, 2010 at 9:34 pm
I love this website!11!!!!!11!!
Posted on February 17th, 2010 at 10:01 am
I saw this guy on ENN and thought it was just a character. This is a Prettysweet Sie
Posted on February 18th, 2010 at 9:26 am
Wait, are you claiming to be a professional? And that’s supposed to be a review? Oh. You had me going for minute. Well, sadly, I will not trust you, the pure-hearted amateur, and I will have to try the game out myself. Sure it may suck, but so does your ‘review,’ which lacks any real information about the game anyway, so I’ll just have to take my chances.
Posted on February 18th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
I this game were a real whore, I’d run it over and take my money back, because that’s what your supposed to do. Also, $60 for a whore? What kind of over priced turd ballista is that?! That’s like, $55 over priced. Does it at least have crabs? Because I have enough to start an italian bistro. Seriously, know about!
Posted on February 19th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
If you remove the dialogue from this game, it becomes an arcade title…just kill enemies, move to next level. GET WITH THE TIMES, BIOWARE. Actually being able to play a game instead of having conversations being the main event is a good thing.
Posted on February 21st, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Dude……you suck \=
Posted on March 21st, 2010 at 7:54 pm
FRAGGED!
Posted on May 22nd, 2010 at 8:58 pm
At first glance I nearly screamed of joy. This game look epic! I played the first part. A little stupid, but intros aren’t always the best. I continue. I ripped my ears right off my head from the ungodly amount of stupid, cliched dialogue with aggravating voice actors. Next I ripped my eyes out. I couldn’t stand the unrealistic amounts of blood, that stained your character, and I couldn’t continue to look at the TV screen for the years it would take me to beat this game. Then I ripped my brain out, for fun. Overall this game sucked. It truly is a whore, not only because of it’s shit-ness, but because of the fact that every character in it is a whore.
Posted on May 28th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Terrific work! This is the type of information that should be shared around the web. Shame on the search engines for not positioning this post higher!
Posted on January 11th, 2011 at 1:32 pm
Why does it suck?
I liked the game, i did find the amount of bloodstains unnaturally high, and i were disappointed about the character recycling.
Apart from that i cant see why dragon age: origins should be a crappy game, you didnt give one so perhaps this blog is only for people who knows the same things and have the same opinions, you have to know why the game sucks before ypu read this rewiev, just so you can say “somebody else thinks the same as me, im brilliant”.
NOTE: this was not meant as critique for you not liking the game, but for not giving a reason for not liking the game.
Posted on January 19th, 2011 at 3:14 am
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